Emotions are one of those things that no one gives enough credit to. They have the power to truly impact our lives on a daily basis. Joy, heartbreak, sadness and excitement. These chemical reactions have the ability to make or break your day.
On more than one occasion emotions have sent me to a new world filled with wonder and amazement or the worst day of my life. Working through those feelings I have learned one valuable lesson, emotions can create a beautiful bountiful life, or they can create a tragic story that ends in heartbreak and despair; ultimately the choice is yours.
Before learning how to understand and control my emotions I could have been described as an emotional wreck. A small disruption to plans could send me into a tailspin throwing all things surrounding me into a dark abyss of anger, frustration and hopelessness. Now, I may feel all of those emotions but bringing my awareness to the way I react to them has changed the outcome of any given situation.
Was there a magic wand that I waved around to stop from reacting in less than favorable ways? No, I wish. It took time and effort. I, like most people, was not shown the model of what a healthy reaction was.
When I was a teen I was fearful to ask questions and rock the boat because I knew at the end of a question was the back of a hand to my face, or a spanking from a belt, waiting for me on the other side. Was that healthy? No way! Although, it was the reason I have spent most of my life learning about emotions and how they effect not only me but the world around me.
I learned how spilled milk triggered unreasonable anger in me towards my child. Remembering how spilling milk myself would end in a spanking or even being screamed at. I realized that each time something did not go as planned my feelings of lack of control would cause me to react with frustration and at times I would lash out and say things that created a less than desirable outcome.
I would let the way I felt about a situation create a story that was not always based in reality. Blaming others was a default mode, I became so accustomed to it that I didn’t see my own fault in any given situation. She did this and he did that riddled my vocabulary. The inability to take responsibility over my own reactions came from the inability to take responsibility over my own emotional responses.
My jealousy pushed my past partners to feel unloved and attacked. My rage created fear in my children and resulted in distance and distrust, something that I dreaded in my own parents yet here I was perpetuating the cycle. My loneliness made me stay in relationships much longer than I should have, the temporary embrace felt better than solitude.
When learning how to recognize my own feelings I began to see how each reaction to the feeling made life either harder or easier. My actions created a better life when I stopped and gave myself time to think (instead of reacting instantly which usually resulted in a less than favorable outcome).
Lets take constructive criticism for example. Before I was aware of how my emotions controlled the outcome of a situation I was told that I was not a great parent. The hurt and anger I felt caused me to totally shut down and cut the friend off the moment the words had come out of his mouth. The betrayal of his words stung and the relationship was broken instantly.
Looking back I never stopped to think of why he felt that way. What had made him think that of me? What actions had lead him to believe that my children didn’t have the best mom in the world? For one at the time I was a workaholic, I was rarely with them due to my jobs, I was not present. I was also angry with their father for leaving me to care for children he helped create but was unwilling to help raise.
I had to take a look at myself and think about how my anger toward him was affecting my relationship with them. Becoming brutally honest with myself I could see where my own faults came in. My emotional state created reactions that affected the ones I loved the most. Being emotionally closed off created distance and misunderstandings. Being overly emotional was off-putting and scary for the person on the receiving end of my emotional outbursts.
With this knowledge how could I create a more nurturing me? I started off slow. As emotions welled up ready to explode inside me I took a few deep breaths and reevaluated each situation. My kids would spill milk and instead of flying off the handle I would breath and understand I was angry at the mess not them. I started to react with “its okay, its just a mess, lets clean it up.”
As I started with this small shift I noticed how instead of fear flashing before their eyes they went for a towel to clean up. The realization that my reactions created a state of panic in them made me more determined to learn different ways to release my emotions.
Do I still struggle? Yes, some days are much easier than others, but like most things, we have to learn and grow. I have realized that my emotions can create a loving and accepting bond, or rejection and fear.
How I act is my reACTion to my emotions. My e-MOTION creates the motions around me. If my emotion is grief, my children ask me what is wrong. If my emotion is anger I breath before to avoid unleashing, I take a moment to explain my feeling instead of acting on it in the moment. Our emotions are valuable. They tell a story of our inner world.
What do you want your story to tell? Mom screamed at me over spilled milk, so I am afraid of making that mistake, or I spilled the milk and cleaned it up, no big deal?
We create our lives through our emotions. We can make today the best day ever or let a simple mistake ruin our day today, tomorrow and forever. It is your choice.
Next time you feel frustrated take a moment to ask yourself why am I upset? What can I do to create the outcome I want? How is this emotion effecting my reactions? Why do I feel so strongly about this? If I react this way what could the outcome be?
Thank you so much for stopping by and being a part of this community! I hope that this blog helps you become more aware of the power you carry in your emotions.
Until the next time, may love, abundance, and light be yours.
